I am Strong

I am strong,
my tears stubbornly refuse to fall.
I never cry,
those are just sadness releases from the eyes.


Lots of things happened...

I hope they are ok already...

Sometimes silent tears means so much more...

I went out after meeting with wen wei they all just now...

I met up with someone...

So scared now... Nothing big happened... but was quite big to me... So scared so sad...

Who can give me a hug and say everything is ok?

Sigh... Silly me... nobody will be always around... I should have known that by now...

I need to sleep... Don't think...

Mooncake festival

话题
演唱:周蕙

面对面坐着的是不是你,
爱情还在不在进行.
想问你是不是想要放弃,
却害怕你也在问自己.
分手是我们唯一的话题,
却没有人愿意提起.
如果一开口变成了结局,
我的心就会离开身体活在过去.
爱不爱结果都叫人伤心,
我不知道该怎么做决定;
分手应该是要先哭泣,
还是先忘记.
你是否也有相同的难题,
你的勇气里有我的命运,
我不知道你会不会决定.
我想我现在还不够清醒,
该爱着你,该离开你,
还是继续--逃避

Today is Mooncake Festival.

Hanging out with Wen Wei, Apple and Sean. Sigh, it's Chinese Valentine Day too. But too bad, the ones I really want to spend it with are not here... Of cos' that does not mean I am not happy hanging out with my good friends... But still....

So many things keep happening in my life... Don't know how to write... Maybe I'm too confused to write. Confused 'bout my feelings right now.

Wish I can just get drunk and forget everything... But I can't.

Slept so many hours yesterday... But still feel like sleeping... What's wrong with me?

I miss ya... You know who you are...

Happy zong qiu jie to You...

Rainbow after the Rain

Finally, you make me smile again~

We went through alot recently... and all the crap... the unpleasant things... I really thought that it's over... 毕竟, 我们只是比好朋友还要好一点的朋友。。。

That few days makes me realise the importance of friends all over again... Cos' I am really thankful that I have Apple and Wen Wei there... Though I never say much... but just the company, the laughters you all created is enough... And one very important person... Nun Jun... Always there for me... Never leave me alone that few days...

可是两个紧紧相依的心。。。要怎么说放弃？

Our Story~

We were both so tired... so hurt... Never imagine he will read my blog... I thought he will be busy with his sis's wedding...

When I saw his sms from Malaysia... I don't know what to say. A part of me thinks that maybe letting you think that I already don't care will be better for you...

But when you sms me again at night... that sms... I just can't ignore. Maybe some people will say I silly... After so many things, how can those words settle everything? But I don't believe that those words are just saying only... I sensed your sadness and I choose to believe in what you say...

Thats why I replied. Ya, told you my feelings... But at that point it seems that there is no solutions... Both of us wanted to see each other but we just don't know what to do.

Maybe everything will end there and then. I thought so. And the Sammi Cheng concert will be our last day.

When we saw each other, we are like so strange. Silence and distant.

Then I went Esplanade alone, you didn't know.

You sms me say wanna send me home. I don't know if I want anot... Is seeing you or not seeing you better? Through the messages... you told me you don't wanna give up. I was touched. Even until that point, you care.

I was intending to wait alone. I didn't want you to send me home cos' I wanted to wait till you off work... Haha... silly right? But I have never done anything for you... so maybe just this once let me be the silly one... I can wait till morning, if that means we will have more time to talk...

But I am so Lucky! Apple came down to find me... And we had such a good time talking... Talked till I don't even know the time...

And then you came to find us. Suddenly we were joking like last time. I guess you were trying your best too...

So, all the way till morning... sent Apple home... And then it's our alone time. Talked about many things...

I feel like the huge wall between us have been demolished. You know how I feel, and I hope you will do your best... Things will be different!! Haha... We both must be happy from now...

Many things are going to change... My job... your job... I hope you remember your promises... and change some things...

Apple girl... Thanks! A simple word, but I think you get what I mean.

Boy, miss you always~

Feelings I choose to Ignore

Just finish another night of majiong game with Wen Wei, Apple and my dear... Tired... but thinking of alot of things...

Sometimes I wonder, I am strong... or am I really strong? Is everything sometimes just a facade for people to see? Ha... I dunno...

Still thought of him... And I figure since if he really forget about me then he won't come and read my blog anymore... So it's rather safe I write it here...

Wanna ask you... If you still think of me?

Wanna ask you... Are you thinking of me these few days?

Wanna ask you... Are you happy now?

Were you happy that night at Graxs?

Will you forget me?

是因为太了解而分开吗？

很想说很想你。。。 但我不想让你难受。。。 这是不是你的选泽？

我没话好说。。。 只是还想你。。。 谢谢你给过的一切。。。

Boy... whereever you are... Take care...

Is it fate?

What is fate?

Is fate something which humans used as a excuse? or is it really something that has such great power to even controls one's life?

I don't know if I believe in Fate.

I believe that Fate makes 2 person meet...

But what happens after that can't be all fate right? What make 2 persons become good friends, share their lives... can't be all just fate right? It's what the 2 person do... Then when things go wrong... don't tell me it's fate again? That seems so accusive... Fate did not set out to break people's heart or to spoil 2 person's friendship... Everything goes wrong because of what the 2 person did... and everyone has a choice to do what they do... Why is it that people can't remember how they used to care and be so nice to the other person? They choose to do actions that hurt the other person, then when things reach the stage that nobody knows how to solve, Fate become the excuse... I wish I can totally push all the blame to Fate, but I can't... I just can't...

Happy or not is a choice

Care or not is a choice

Give in or not is a choice

Important or not is a choice

To change or not is a choice

To love or not is a choice

So I don't understand, if u really love someone, is there really anything u can't do for them? Everything is a choice. If you really love enough, you will choose to give the best to the person, change for the best, and most importantly choose to make the person happy. It's a choice!

Alot of things happen... sometimes I wake up feeling so so so lost. I go out, I play till late at night, I laugh, I be merry... But is it all real? Sometimes alot of things I feel frustrated, helpless, angry and scared... I want to have someone there always... But I know its impossible... I know I'm not the only one feeling this way... But especially recently, I am so down... that I feel not as strong as the Sharon I know...

I know I need to take care of my own happiness, things that make me unhappy I should throw it away... forget about it... I don't even know if the other person cares enough... I treat him as a really close n good friend... And I miss the days when someone else hurt me and he was always there to console and making me feel better... I miss that kind of understanding and happiness we had...

We just quarrel over the phone again... Big fight... which I sensed he will really give up this time... which I sense he will not care anymore... Fine. If that is what it is for him, then I will be hard hearted too... I can't tolerate anyone who hangs up on me... and I gave him a chance to say sorry but he refused... I am so angry... don't blame me for being like that now!

Before that we already told each other maybe this weekend is a good time for us to cool down and hope after that we will solve all our problems recently... but now... Ha... I think there is no more need to le... Since both of us choose this route..

Sigh... maybe he is just like the rest... maybe when I think he will be different I am wrong... Maybe now he will be unlike what he promise last time... Ha... what to do? After being hurt so many times... I don't have much faith in men... Unless it's Nun jun...

Ya... only my Nun Jun dear dear... Almost 3 years... He has go through so much with me, and never give up... We had bad times before... but I also don't know how... we just managed to solved them and everything become even better... THANKS dear....

I know I am lucky... He really dotes on me and gives in to me alot... Maybe cos' a period of time we really drift apart... and they came along... But I credit myself for never thinking of giving up dear for any other guys... If anyone will believe me, I really hope to marry him one day... Haha :p

Sigh... I got to be strong! If it's yet another case of... you all know.... Then I got to get over it... Sigh... Gotta go out again le... Meeting wen wei....

Lay on You

Later tonight should be busy and late night. Thinking of meeting up with friends after my dinner with my colleagues. It's for my manager's birthday. Glad that I'm invited... But feels stressed. Cos' I have not really been working recently, don't know how to face them. Wish that later I can go meet Wen Wei and hopefully Jian Feng. At least take my mind off things I don't wanna think.

Haha, sometimes they are like my 避难所。

This week I think at least I will have my dear dear to accompany me. He got alot of days don't need go camp. Really miss him.

Just now talked to Xu Yong in msn. He saw me online and came to talk. Honestly I'm glad to talk to him. Like talking to a long lost friend. But sometimes I have to be careful, there is afterall, a line I can't step over. We talked about casual stuff... then he talk bout the past. Ask me if I sometimes think of it...

What you want me to say? We gave it all up, you are married, and I've got a loving boyfriend.

Sometimes memories never leave, I believe. But one can choose what to do with the memory. Just a bitter sweet memory, a story.

During the conversation, I don't know why I told him so straight forwardly that I wish his marriage will be a very happy one. Ha... I think I must have sound really silly. I keep telling him the future he must be happy. Haha... I really sound silly...

Will I miss JF alot from today? I wish not. I know he is going to working and working and working... I don't know why it makes me feel angry... Haha... Somehow I don't like it.

让你掏醉在我的眼神，看着我，走进我的世界。

我的喜怒哀乐，

我的眼泪微笑，

都是你的责任，

让你从现在起把我当成一切， 疼爱我， 永远实现我的心愿。

Visions of Mine

~Enmeshed in the fake world of reality~

Awaken from a bad dream.

Last couple of days clear my mind a little.

绕了一圈, 我们还是做回好朋友。

好多天的不愉快，我的固执，要他放弃。那天在Wen Wei 家打完麻漿后，他还在楼下。之前我们吵了又吵，我真的很累。上他的车原本是想回家休息的，到最后却去了东海岸。

结果他让我答应原谅他，我们的确变的和以前一样有说有笑。我只希望他会做到他说的，希望真的会开心。

What is reality?

Everyone's reality exist in their own mind. What I see as truth may not be what you see.

Only can follow and believe one's own reality.

My reality now is my relationship with Nun Jun is great, my friendship(or whatever u call it) with Jian Feng is ok le, the big problem now I have is my career. Full of uncertainty.

What do I do to be really happy without depending on anyone?

最大的寂寞是当发现，连想也不敢想自己心中的他！

The past only exist in the Past

Couldn't care less!

I just wanna be happy, enjoy myself.

Don't wanna bother about him(JF) anymore! To him, he put in alot. I also know. BUT, I feel I already tolerate way too much. Sorry, but I am frustrated. Very frustrated.

"Let the past be the past. From now on I'm myself!"

Sigh... To those who are reading this... Maybe many things I didn't explain and so its confusing. Put it simply, I'm talking about Jian Feng. Ya, many knows he likes me, but nt many know the story between us. Well, I shall not go into details here. Anyway, appreciated the good, but many things happen and I think its getting too tiring for both of us. Tats all...

Just came back from playing majiong game at Weiling house... Never expect her husband to be Xu Yong... Again, not convenient to say here, but its a shock... Like something from the past coincides with my present. The world is small.

Sometimes I feel bad... Got a feeling Weiling takes me as a friend, and somehow a listening ear. She told me lots of stuff about her and Xu Yong. Sometimes I really don't want know so much... yet I do wish that they can have a happy marriage. I just wanna be a friend to her too. And I wish he find his Happiness too.

Sigh... lots of feelings recently. I know some friends really care... Don't worry, I'm fine. Struggling, but trying. Just like yesterday I got Rofino's sms asking me if I'm fine. Well, really thanks for the concern :)

Tired le... gotta rest...

LOVE MAJIONG~ Hehe~

Put down thy Masque

I AM DOWN.

Seriouosly never been this down. Scared myself, the flooding emotions I can't control.

蹦溃的感觉是不是就像这样？

Feel like sleeping every min, escape from everything. Lost, I don't know what to do with all my troubles... Don't want friends or family to know and worry. But I really need a place to express! My life is crashing!

我要快了不想长大如果有一天我可以解脱回到过去重来遗失的美好。

~黑暗之魔~

沉醉在黑暗中

觉的累，觉的慌

徘徊在人群中

好彷徨，好孤单

过去常在脑海里旋转

成经的简单幸福

是现在的痛苦与悲伤

好想逃离这一切

又有谁能了解我的内心世界？

“ 每一张笑脸背后都有一张哭泣的脸，

每一个大声说话的人背后都有难言的心声。”

Happy Anniversary!

Together ever since then, 3rd Jan 2005.

Our anniversary! Exactly 2yrs and 8mths already!

Look, both of us look so different! Much cuter last time...

Haha... But now more ladylike and more Man for him!

Time flies~ I'm so happy that our relationship lasts so long. I know if it continues, most properly he will be my future half. In so many ways, he is great. Totally nice. Unselfish, easy going, nice temper, dotes on me, humorous, sporty, adventurous, fun loving and generous. But, I'm worried. Do I really want to be so fixed to a guy right now? Will he be able to fulfill the material needs of mine in future. I know the kind of life I'm going after, and I don't want to short change myself. I am willing to comprise but the difference of my ideal and what I get can't be so big right?

Must have faith! Ya, I must believe in him. I am going to keep thinking this way. Because we are young, and he is a crazily smart guy! :p

是你让我相信爱情是无私，好无压力的。。。

不管发生任何事你总是让我开心让我笑, 谢谢!

Crazy Birthday

Forgot to upload these photos... 20th Aug, my birthday!

Behold and Unfold

~TIRING~

Actual Date: 01/09/07 4.30AM

Just came from from movies at cineleisure, with Wen Wei, Roy, his female friend, Nun Jun(dear dear :p)... and Jian Feng... We watched 1408, supposed to be horror but as usual.... we laughed our heads off... HAHA...

我们又没结束了... HAHA... 说了也奇怪, 从来没开始,又怎么结束?

He salvaged the situation once again. I was cooled down, and accepted his explaination n appolgy. Was it a right thing I wonder. But thanks boy, for always giving in. But disagreements gets tiring, and my tolerance is running out, I hope there won't even be a need for u to appolgise...

伤心的转弯是开心!我要快乐!

Today one happy thing happened. I get to see my dear dear finally! Seeing him always calms me down despite whatever mood I'm in. Thanks for understanding everything. Although being with me has always been a complicated ride, but I'm sure you know that both me and him knows that YOU are the one.

我知道现在为最爱是你, 可是我不能不在乎其他关心我的人.

Love you love you love you dear dear...

I love my shopping spree just now! Shopping is my greatest joy!