The Dark World

what card are you?

2008-12-09T17:52:00.001+08:00

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

TiRed!

2008-12-09T17:30:00.002+08:00

Tired!!

Now at work. Feeling so tired. Must be not enough rest. Later after work still meeting WW and Karlyn... Well, quite long never meet them le...

Okay, after a long weekend, my mood has somewhat change better. The frustration has subsided. It was a great weekend. Lotsa laughters and quite fun too. My life is Majiong, majiong and majiong... Wahaha~

It's either I'm sitting there playing Majiong, or I'm sleeping with Majiong as my background music. Haha =D Crazzzzyyy

And sleeping wise is worse. I'm deeply sorry guys... aiai.... I know my violency when I'm sleeping.. In case I molest or punch any of you, I'm sorry! =PP

But now weekend end, and it's back to work. Can't help but have a sense of lost and boreness.

I'm trying hard to make things work, but seems like my heart is at somewhere else. Shit. I really have to get back on track.

Looking forward to my Girls outing tomorrow evening with Crystal and Aiai =) Looking forward to the fun that's coming!

Now who's the Bitch?

2008-12-05T20:21:00.002+08:00

Wow, I just found out some things.

Some people just got nothing to do except to say other people, comment on other people. I Just sick and tired of people who think they are so right and just like to blow up everything.

In case some people dunno what is a blog, a blog is a place for a person to write their thoughts, and what happens to them for their friend. If you are not my friend pls fuck off. . I never even give my add to some people. Just dun understand why some people think everything is their business, even other people r/s.

Even if you want comment, fine with me. But come to my face and say. Have some guts. Since by going around creating nonsense, its already making everything blow up uncessary. At least say to my face if you so much wan say. Cos who knows if you are not just creating some story in your petty little head, and things are not even the way you imagine it to me?

I'm not fake. But I dun mind if some stupid wan say me. Those who know me will know what kind of person I'm. Even my boy knows all my thoughts and he understands.

For people who read my blog, pls if you cant understand english well, go read it again how many times u wan. I am happy for the person who is important if they can be happily with the one they love. That person should know how much I have try to help and help for him. All the efforts I make for their sake?

Only a "xiao ren" will think other people are so evil.

I'm not a easily step over person. I just din want to be yi ban jian shi with some person. But DUN PUSH ME. . If you wan see a lion get mad, you can try.

My Guy!

2008-12-05T19:35:00.003+08:00

Honestly sometimes I dunno what to think of my "ben dan". Recently after we patched, he has been rather nice except for one stupid evening when he did make me angry again. The rest of these while, I felt quite happy. But all of a sudden I had this nagging thought again.

Some people told me he is really good to me, but some people told me can't understand why I fall for him. I know, I know, some of you here are gonna say that relationship is mine, not others.

But I just can't help thinking alot alot when I heard that kind of negative things. Is it because somewhere in my mind I was thinking he is not good enough?

I really dunno -__- It's so confusing! My own feelings! Sometimes I feel like my mind is going in a twirl, spinning round and round. Just too many things recently! One moment is damn angry mode, then the next is damn happy mode. Wow, damn it, really. As though I'm air-con, keep changing temperature=( And not everything about my boy, some other things make my blood boil too.

Am I being unfair if just because of something people say I think in this way?

Now, if my besties are all reading this, I hope someone tells me the answer. Is Jian Feng a good guy? Worth my time and love?

And now, my stomach is grumbling b'cos they just reach Ochard. But well, at least I'm happy to get to meet all of my friends tonight. I so enjoy this feeling of friendship and bond we all have! Just one thought though, I hope this can last! Hahaha... =pp

Dishearten

2008-11-28T16:07:00.002+08:00

Funny how life is.

Things just can't be perfect. Just when I thought I could be happy, I realised maybe I was just a fool.

We were not meant to be. But I keep wishing things can change. I keep thinking our love is worth it. Keep thinking he loves me.

I really make effort. He also said he did. And we both say we love each other alot. If all these is true then what is the problem? Why we just can't be happy?

I can't bring myself to put it down. Can't say it out and a part of me really don't want to end it. But yet I don't feel "xin fu".

Not that I want to compare. But I still can remember my last relationship. We also quarrelled a lot. But now I think back, I was so "xin fu". Even crying and arrguing is worth it.

But now? I don't know. But maybe it's not up to me to decide, cos' I can't. I know if I say break, I will look back when I alone and I feel I have no one there for me. I don't want that. But if I make him say it, it will break my heart. I don't know if I can take it.

Maybe one mistake really can change a person's life. Maybe I should just let my heart be broken, and just endure the pain. Anyway, I have been so painful once before too.

I also don't know how to really be happy like before. God help me.

ChiwaWa!

2008-11-27T11:41:00.004+08:00

Yesterday after work went to meet Ken, Nun Jun, Crystal, Jun Xiong, Huili, Abel, Yuan Da, Charmine... but b'cos something happened to my colleague so I accompany her first... by the time I reached they bout to finish eating le... well, I told them to not wait actually... haha =)

Then we went to watch Chiwawa. But not all of us went... only Ken, NJ, Crystal, JX, Me and Jian feng.

Lucky we still managed to get the tickets for 9 plus show at Cineleisure... if not I think we won't be watching at all... lol..

It's a very nice show... haha... all of us was laughing so hard... well, I hope Mr K.. also la... cos' not really a show he wanna watch... But it turned out to be really nice right? hehe...

The chiwawa is really a princess lo... so "xin fu"... all branded stuff, and all the beauty treatments... even food also is high class one... haha... I was telling them yesterday... it's a dog's life and it's better than mine... haha...

But even a princess dog also has to go through hardships... and although there are always heros to the rescue... it's better to become strong itself... =D Just like me...

Whatever doesn't kill me, makes me stronger! Still a princess though... LoL...

Later gonna end work lo... time flies recently... even working time... haha... maybe cos got Cydnia... haha... end work le go meet the guys and play bball... hopefully... wanna slim down!!

++PrincessRon++

Love U all~~

Friends~~

2008-11-26T14:10:00.002+08:00

What a busy weekend!

I had a long weekend, cos was on Mcs for Mon and Tues. On Sunday night, went to Nun Jun sister's birthday bbq with Ken, Nun Jun, Huili, Rofino and Jian Feng. Well, was relaxing. Then after that they went to find Abel to 'sabo' him for his birthday, wherelse Nun jun, Jian Feng and me went to meet Crystal.

We spend one whole night talking at Amk MacDonalds. Haha... It was very fun just sitting there and talking about everything. We laughed and talked till we don't want go home, but the next day is Mon and Crystal and me got work. In the end we went to Nun Jun house ton and chat furthermore. Ken also at Nun Jun house but he was asleep when we reach there.

Next day all of us went to take Mcs together. Same clinic somemore. Lol =P but sadly Crystal has to go work cannot take mc like us.

We were crazy that day! Went to play basketball when we are so tired, and only got Huili, Ken, Nun Jun and me only! Hahaha... funny thing is got one group of little kids come and challenge us full court, and we actually played 2 games with them... Of cos we won lahz... haha... only 4 of us wor...

That's not all... At night still went to sing KTV at the 10dollars place. Wow.. We got the VIP room... It was huge! like a living room like that...

We also alot of people la( Huili, Ken, Nun Jun, Crystal, Applw, William, Yuan Da, Charmine, Abel and me), that's why they gave us such a big room... Even Bear also came! haha... Only Rofi didn't join =(

All in all, it was a nice day! I went home super tired though. Haha.

I can't Forget (part 2)

2008-11-20T09:35:00.004+08:00

Still can't forget you

You have never left

I kidded myself, saying

we're only friends.

My tears finally flow

No more excuses can I give

It's more than guilt

a mixture of all feelings.

I have no right

and I never intend to fight

for I threw it away once ago

now I just want you happy

But when we talk and what we say

I can't control, no more

I'm going to suffocate

no place for the real

Your biggest regret, you said

was letting her go

Little do you know, that mine

was not holding you tight

When I cried, you don't even know

in your mind, I am not there

I wish you happiness

but I cant help feeling hurt.

Have to forget you, I do

Stop the feeling which I can't describe

Forget the past

start anew,

I try.

Nice right, this poem? I love it. Sigh...

Don't ask me why all these...

I can't Forget

2008-11-20T09:15:00.003+08:00

Alright... we did not break up.

I really thought it was that way and I was so prepared to try my singlehood once again... =D haha... He(together with Crystal n Jun Xiong) gave me a surprise yesterday evening. I was with my colleague, Cyndia, at Cafe Cartell waiting for Crystal cos' we arranged to meet up after my work. Me and Cyndia talk bout' many things... It was enjoyable talking to a female Leo again... haha...

Anyway Crystal and Jun Xiong reached 1 hr later!! Then they suggested to sit outside instead. I find it weird cos it was raining slightly, but I just put it that Crystal might want to smoke. We sat outside and very funny, we didn't order anything else except my that glass of Blue Coral. But I thought maybe we were waiting for Yuan Da cos' he's joining us too.

Suddenly someone hugged me from the back, and give me a Bikini Pig. -_-!!

Who else but Jian Feng.... He appolgised to me but I give him one face and make it hard for him... Haha... purposely... Then the rest(Cyndia, Yuan Da, Jun xiong and Crystal) were all telling him what to say to make me laugh... It's so funny... Like those Tv shows like that... When he finally managed to make me smile everyone clapped...

Okie... I was still a bit mad at him... But it was sweet for him to do that... And that Piggy is so damn cute!! I really like it =) hugged it to sleep last night... just imagine a pig wear bikini? wahaha!!

Then we went eat parklane wanton wee, nothing much. But what I remember is we got struck with the rain and cannot leave. Haha. Well, overall a happy evening. Everyone was happy.

Crystal even text me a sweet sms at night. Heh... same to you, girl.

Too bad no photos man....

It's Over

2008-11-19T16:55:00.002+08:00

Recently I must be down on my luck...

Me and Jian Feng is over. I don't know how to say what happened. But it's over. If he doesn't care for me or the relationship, then I will not care from now on.

The past is full of sweet and bitter. I have shed so much tears. I will not regret, b'cos it was my relationship, and I did my best. But now, I wanna live better. No more tears, more happiness.

Thanks for the good time. We ended on our 7th month exactly. I guess it's counted as a beautiful ending to this love story.

Living in de crazy, messy World

2008-11-17T20:52:00.002+08:00

At first I was happy being back. Afterall, I do miss them. All the laughters and silly fun was long missed by me. So I was glad and I treasure it.

But I was just a fool I guess.

Why can't I ever learn not to trust so easily? When will I learn to be fake like others?

Maybe I can't. I am just me. When I take you as a friend, I really do mean it.

Heck. Now, I think, if I am not appreciated, then FORGET IT.

I don't need that. I need people who loves me, who treasure and care. And I have got them.

Friendship should be the pillar you can lean on when things go wrong, when relationship goes wrong, when work goes wrong. It should be the stable thing.

But to some, maybe friendship can just keep changing, anything unhappy don't say, just form their own small little group. Just be happy and don't care bout others' feelings. One group become two. That's called friends?

I am fair, but sadly, the world is not.

Tired~ Physically, mentally.

I love my Boy~~

2008-10-26T05:54:00.004+08:00

Thank you, boy boy, for being there...

Today was a happy day. Last night we went to play Majiong at Shi feng hostel at NTU with William, Zhi Hui, and us. I was the one who suggest playing majiong last week but ended up yesterday I was very tired. Till to I was so tired, I didn't really feel like playing. But I wanted to catch up with them cos' it had been quite long since we last met up plus the fact that I was the one who plan the 'outing'. Well, and thanks to William, though I doubt you will actually read this... Lol... Thanks cos' he was the one who help me to organise eveything and ask everyone... and somemore I was still late and let him wait so long... Haha..

When we were at NTU I was really damn shack. So tired... Boy boy help me to play first although he was also very tired... hehe =) Who knows ended up he played most of the game and I only played 2, 3 times... He keep asking me to play but I too lazy... So ended up he have to play. It might not seems like a big deal, but those who know him will know he has a very low tolerence level for tiredness and last night not only was he understanding he was also super sweet to me the whole night... Cooking noodles for me and giving me massage and his attitude was really sweet... =] Happi Happi~~

Then this afternoon I said will give him morning call cos' he still got work but I overslept. He managed to wake up himself and even send me a cute sms... And I slept all the way till 4pm!! Even when he called me at 1pm said wanna see me cos' too miss me, I din want to get up... Hehe... sorri boy... Also miss you even when I sleeping... But I miss my beauty sleep alot too... haha...

But after I woke up we went out to have our 'er ren shi jie'. He brought me to have japanese food at this restaurant call Aji tei Japanese Food and Dessert Bar. We ate till super full. It was great. We laughed and joke all the way. And he gave in to me in every possible way... I felt like a princess!

We went boat quay to with Ken and Rofino after that. At first it was a bit boring and I thought my boy has to go work cos' he bluff to me. Then he suddenly reappeared and hugged me from behind. Silly boy... :p

Then he complained of headache and took a nap at the pub. It was more like a sleep. Haha.... I left him to it cos' I think I should be understanding too. But it got a little boring cos' we were not playing anything and nobody was entertaining me. It was just a relaxing only night I guess. I didn't want to drink much so that adds to the 'sian-ness'.

When it came my turn to sing with boy, he was still asleep. I wake him up and he sang till like fall asleep. I got pissed off cos' that song was he wanted to sing with me one. I tried to control my anger and didn't say much. But after that when I tried to talk to him, he seemed to ignoring me and I tap him to get his attention. God knows why he thought that I was hitting him and he showed me an attitude. We had a quarrel. Quite a fierce one. I walk off and wanted to take my things from his lorry and go home. He didn't even come after me or call me. I was really upset. Then he reach his lorry first and he took my things to the pub. He called me then and said since I wanted to leave without him he will leave now. I got so upset and I told him if he does that he should know what it means to me. I will never forgive him for that. He didn't seem to be remorseful at all! All he said was he will not leave actually but he will wait in his lorry for me to finish drinking at the pub.

But how will I have the mood to continue my night playing and enjoying? I decided that at that time if he wanted to do that then I will go back to the pub for my friends, but in my heart I will always think that he doesn't care about me. And our relationship will be spoiled.

However, not long after we hang up our phone call, he called me back. He wanted to come and find me. I was still at a carpark talking with Rofino then.

When I saw him I was still upset and angry. But he apolgised so many times to me. And he looked like he really knows his fault and was sincere. I am not a petty person too. Of course it took me a while to really cool down but I appreciate his understanding and love for me. Although he is always a little slow in making things right, but he is better than alot of other guys I have ever seen. Alot of people when they are also angry, will take ages to stand in the other person shoes. It hard for me even.

We are ok now. And I still feel very much surrounded with love. Its the small things that counts sometimes. The way we talk, the way he looks at me. All that matters. That is LOVE.

Now we playing Majiong with Ken, Rofino, Nun Jun. Seeing Nun jun I am very happy. And a part of me will always hold him dear to my heart. And I really like him. He makes me happy and laugh... Haha... Good to see him carefree and happy...

I am happy. Thank you all friends. Thank you Boy boy.

I wanna hug all of you!!

The Rabbit and the Tortoise

2008-10-25T01:53:00.002+08:00

Slow and steady wins the race...Or
Early bird gets the worm?

Just question to ponder for you to ponder =)

Its worrying for me to think of the way the world works is by being slow and steady instead of staying ahead and being consistent. We are in a fast pace society, especially in Spore, whereby you cannot afford to be slow. Everyone is moving all the time! Nobody waits for you. And time is money.

Recently I have learnt to understand this point even more. I am so busy in work these 2 weeks! Right after I post the previous entry saying I wanna restart my blog, I got this job offer which I decided to try. Now 2 weeks later, I passed the trial and am offically a staff in Prudential. But this time round not as an adviser, but as the HR operations, also like a PA.

It is a super busy job. But strangely, I never feel like skipping work for a single day. When one of the days I was late and was so scare, I had no choice but to take MC. Then I felt damn 'sian' and bad. This is the first time I took MC and I don't feel happy. Last time I always felt "well, can have one day off to go out have fun and relax, so good...". But that day I keep thinking what will happen to the job when I not around, and will I miss out learning some things and will it somehow minus 'points' of me. But lucky, everything turn out fine after that, and manager thinks that I am doing rather well. HAha...

And I have really been very busy. Straight 3 nights of OT this week, and 2 days last week. Somemore still happen to have event at SMU, which is even more tiring. I saw Carin! Wen wei GF there! She is getting more n more pretty! LOL...

Now I felt life is fulfilling. I like being busy and feeling fulfill and useful. Although it is really tiring and sometimes I can feel my body giving way. I fell sick already, and last week almost fever but I took penadol myself. No time to see doctor and cannot afford to take MC. We are too busy.

And sadly, friends, people, I have not been spending time with you guys. Really miss you all! All of you!! But I really hope to do well in this job and not give up halfway again. I know you guys will supoport me right? Hee... But I believe I will do my best and try not to make any mistake, and that is what it means by giving your best! I guess my main problem is staying this way, feeling this way for long long long~~~

Lets all pray for me -_- I will make it! Be fast and consistent!

The creator of Life.

2008-09-28T23:57:00.003+08:00

Serenity. The state of my heart now. Happy as the wind. Freed from restrictions.

Hello all! My blog is in operation again!

Haha :) I am back and really free now to update things! So so so sorri for some friends whom I have not update Life with for this while... :(

Taking a rest, getting my thoughts sort out is what I've been busy with these 2 weeks, after I quit the Prison job. Yesh... I quitted! It was a worth while n good experience, but... no, it's not for me in the long run. I don't get ruled, I rule. :pp

I miss the old days, with my 2 buddies(you know who you are), with aiai, with everyone else. Although too many things had happened and alot had been changed I believe once friends always friends. Let bygones be bygones. :) We've grow and learn, isn't it?

"If you believe the sky is blue and cloudy, and heaven do exist... you know many things are pre-plan long before we were born. To hold too tight is making destiny your control. In which you know, impossible isn't it?" ;)

++PrincessRon++

fearless, courageous, passionate, proud, pampered

World's Quarrelsome Day

2008-03-31T15:49:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was hell of a day.

Had a Sentosa outing with group of my buddies. And when we just reached we decided to play a bit of basketball. While playing me and JF got rough, and I got really pissed. So I decide to have my sweet revenge. And everyone who knows me knows that when I get mad, trust me, you don't want to be there. Eventually I must have been real rough and he must have been real petty, so we almost fight. Well I weren't the slightest afraid but Jac stop us. Dare he really do it? I will have love to dare him again. Then after a few min of anger, he packed all his stuff and disappear for the whole of yesterday.

After that I was in bad mood but not for long. Cos we met this group of guys who came to play basketball with us,, and we even play some Dares. They were funny. Makes me laugh. And at the end of Sentosa we were already friends, sort of.

Then it comes Jac and W's turn. Both in 'black' face. Not talking and the heaviness is obvious. After playing middle man, things didn't get better at all. At first both were angry, then one was sorry but the other was still piss, then after talking, one got very sad and the other got very guilty. Sigh....... I have no idea what to say.

And worse of all we had to wait for R for one whole hour. Damn. What a night. And guess what? Another hell broke loose. R had a quarrel with the sis at home. And from what I kind of know, talking to her when she is upset bout anything at all, will never help. And so, one more unhappy person.

And today while I was walking back to my house with R, the funniest thing happened. We walked past a stranger talking on his mobile, and we heard " so yesterday you 2 quarrel ah?"

WAhaha~~~

I almost burst out laughing. So I conclude, yesterday was definately World's Quarrelsome Day. Yey, we should have celebrated it, isn't it? Haha.

Its a Girl Thing.

2008-03-29T15:55:00.003+08:00

To all that has been reading my blog, must have realised that I have been slow in blogging. Reason is life is always busy and complicated. That's why blogging took a back seat.

There has been alot of changes in my life these 2 months. Other than the usual BGR crap, i have been seriously thinking bout what to do with my life. Has been doing some sort of writing stuff, becoming a tutor, and applying for an unexpected passion- being a prison warrant.

Many has been shocked by my decision. Well, I have just found out somethings bout myself too... Most of the things that I really want is not known by some closest to me, and the fact that actually I am very serious when it come to some of my principles and seeking the life I want, to the extent I am not like the usual happy go lucky girl most people see.

And I am not ready to compromise.

I say this stuff mainly points to the direction I am about to take. First is, I am going to forgo the leisure time with friends that I treasure. For the job that I really want and that I know will change my life. The risk is I might lose somethings that i have now. And I might become so different that only those who really love me will stay. Well of cos, everything will only happen if I am accepted... which i pray everyday I will.

The second reason is because of the guys who proclaim to be madly in love with me. I might be so fun loving and crazily enjoying when hanging out, but I am not easy. As in easy to win over. I just gone through a not so easy time, and in the process lose the one guy I think is really suitable for me. So if I were to start a new relationship, the guy will have to be better than my previous, which is not easy. And it's a Must. Words might make me smile but you guys have no idea what I really think. The kind of life I want, if you cant provide then all the talks about feelings is just bullshit to me. Stop wasting my life and yours.

As a modern girl who I self proclaim to be trendy and classy, the material needs are necessary. Not something that can forgo, not even in the name of love. Esp not for love. Cos my principle is if you love a girl, pls know what makes her happy. Do what you can in your abilities to give her everything she wants. Girls are borned on this earth to be doted on. In return we can be the sweet and loving creature that brings all the joys to the guy who make us willingly love him all out. But before we can pls know that you have to prove it, and not just that, maintain it. And the thing is pls don't give excuses when you have not done enough for the girl. we can smell excuses and fake stuffs a thousand miles away.

Now I know all the girls reading this are silently agreeing and thinking why I can say all these so straight forwardly, not worried that others might think of me as materialistic. Well people say what they want to. But we only have one life so we should live the best life. Why give discount? And one important thing that I know nobody have told you girls, Materialistic is a word invented to give guys reason not to be generous and not to be as good as they should. It is simply an excuse.

Now I know guys out there reading these are properly cursing me right now. Sorry guys, all I can say is welcome to the modern world. If you guys want a weakling and a softie who listens to you and don't fight for her life, don't look for Singapore girls. Go somehere else.

Life is sweet but it's a battle after all.

Tomorrow holds the Answer

2008-03-15T00:56:00.002+08:00

Life is ever changing... And mine have just taken a 180 turn...

Me and Nun Jun broke up. Almost a month. It took me so long to accept it, and weeks to recover... He was everything, but I realised it too late.

We shared a lot, went through a lot... And I still wish we can go back... But I've learned... In this world, wishing is just wishing... not all wishes come true... I miss him, miss our past... But I cant do anything... I have to take care of myself... and I have to try be happy no matter wat...

Dear, you are everything I have ever wanted in a guy... maybe minus the career and money... but I knew all along one day you will have those... and all the while you have shown me... you are everything i wanted in a partner... and our kind of relationship... was so hard to get... was what will have work for me... was supposed to be happiness... but i walked the wrong route... and I hurt you again and again... Sorry... Really sorry... from the bottom of my heart... If one day you find out you can love me again pls let me know... I hopw with all my heart by that time... its not too late... cos I dunno what my life will changed into... dunno what life will brings me... and for now... such a long period that you will not be around anymore.... or maybe even forever... I have to go on with my life... I have feelings... and I cant cry everyday for you anymore... although sometimes seeing our pictures, think of our past... i still shed some tears... but I need to try be happy...

dear... I hope time wun play a trick on us... I dunno if we are meant for each other... but until now... you are the one I love the most....

For now dear... I am trying to go on with life happily, with all the people and support I need... everything changed... and I need everyone alot now... hope you can at least not avoid me... if not I may feel that for your sake I need to leave the group... I dun wan you to lose your friends company....

Just remember I do love you... And Thanks for the time together...

For better and for woes

2008-01-09T14:53:00.001+08:00

Support is really important in a relationship and in a friendship... Without support, what good is the realtionship or friendship?

Recently I have realised that sometimes the things I care about most is also the thing that weights me down, that bothers me... If I can't get support from the people I care so much, then tell me where do I get support from?

Feels suffocated. A need to simply get away sometimes... a need for some people to just be there... a need for people to understand me...

Sigh...

Anyway, surprisingly, I changed jobs again. Got a job in an advertising campaign company, doing the ideas and promotions for major clients.... yup yup... interesting and cool...

Well bye to my stupid lady boss! And hopefully the new company and people will be much better!

Granton here I come!

Too Much Stuff!

2007-12-30T20:26:00.000+08:00

Been working at Metakaos for 3 weeks... I had thought I will be happy... But right now its just stress and disappointed... My abilities were not recognised and no chances to perform... and worst of all, keep getting pick on by my lady boss...

She's a leo... so what do you think? Just like me, egoistic and stubborn.

Maybe she is jealous... Haha... Even when I look pretty in new clothes she has things to say... wearing a dress that is stylish and just 3cm above knee can let her say we are not here to sell ourself... OMG... Is she from the 60s?

And last night quarrel with dear... which makes me think of JF... Dunno how to say... but last time at least feels that things will be fine with him around...

Finally decided to tell him how i fell using friendster message... this is how it goes...

Boy...

I dunno if my reply is too late... but its because I dun have the courage to tell you how I really feel until now...

I dun even check my friendster... everyday I keep myself busy with work, with friends... everyday I just sleep 3 or 4 hrs then go work... So that I dun have time to think...

I tell myself I must be strong and do what i think is the best for both of us... I tell myself if me and you are meant to be together... oneday we will... or maybe i will really forget you and you will find another girl you really love... everyone will be happier... so I just have to be strong and have faith in things...

But do you know it is so hard? Actually I am very stress and sad at work... Everyday I get scold and people back stab me... and my boss pick on my everything... I everyday do so much and ot but all I get back is that... almost everyday at work halfway i will want to sms you... to tell you how bad things are... and i wanted to just leave my workplace sometimes... but i stayed and endure... cos i promise you i will do well...

but i am sorry... i still haven really change my life... i still take cab and let ppl send... I am trying... but still not easy... but i will go work everyday no matter how stress or tired... and i really not late on days... when i din make it i din tell you cos i dun wan you to be disappointed or worried... sorry...

I really tot you are living a better life le... din expect you are actually unhappy... So many times I wanted to call you but i never is because I dun wan to spoil your life... because i know myself too well... I cant just be normal friends now... cos i will want you to care so much... i will want to lean on your shoulder... I dunno why I will like this... but you always make me feel i can depend on you... thats why i control myself and tell myself to forget it cos what right do i have?

But yesterday n now... I really cant control... I dunno what you can do for me... maybe you will think you are just a normal friend... but i just cant control... just feel a need to tell you things happen to me...

This is just half the whole message... anyway I have a bad feeling its too late... I hurt him too much...

Tml got to face work and the people there again... God bless me pls!!!

Moving On!

2007-12-09T17:07:00.000+08:00

Lotsa things have happened, and it is actually better! :)

Private life aka my BGR stuff is really long winded, so I will skip it in this entry. Main thing I wanna say is, I'll be starting a new life. I'm starting work at an Art Gallery tomorrow!

Metakaos. That's the name of the company.

Here's a really cool picture of how the place look like...

I will be working here! :P

Life is gonna be busy... Gonna miss ASBLT people... Hope you guys miss me too... haha...

Gotta go shopping now... Ciao!

This is Life!

2007-11-03T05:32:00.000+08:00

Life is complicated yet simple.

Some things can't escape, like work, money, friends and love.

Yet it's not as simple as just work, money, friends and love.

I feel stress, angry and frustrated recently... Easily annoyed, and upset. Had nightmares too often... and I don't know why.

Could it be work? Maybe but I am sure not totally. My mind is thinking alot, and these few weeks I have changed in certain ways. More sure of what I want, and despite the frustrations I felt at times, I feel strong and positive. I thank these to my colleagues and my job... It's pushing me to strive for better life and a better me.

I realised, love needs effort. No matter how stable, things gets cold or change on and off... Need to take a look at the relationship and make efforts... If it is love, it is worth it.

I realised also real love is unselfish.

Nun jun is unselfish. He does alot of things which maybe others can't understand, but I know it's to make me happy. It seems silly but actually it's b'cos he just want me to have what I want, what makes me happy. I'm really touched at times.

Jian feng at times is unselfish too. He does not want to eventually 'get' me, like what normal guys will want, But he just want to be by my side to care for me, to see me, to be my best friend... although he loves me, he just want me to be happy with the guy I love, which is not him.

What is it about me actually? Hahaha... sometimes really wonder... so many prettier gals out there... what makes them willing to be fools for me? :p

And tomorrow I going genting with JF...Hope it will be fun! Take the stress temporary off me pls!!

I will miss all my buddies, my gd friends... my dear dear... my aiai... must miss me wor! wait for me to be back on tues! Muack!

Give me potion Miracle!

2007-10-27T05:44:00.000+08:00

I need a miracle...

My work needs a miracle!

Ya... my relationship is more or less settled... at least for things between me and jian feng. For those who don't believe it, or just refuse to believe it even though I have said it times n times agin... well, suits you... But I am sure what it is now.

Don't get it wrong... We are still very best friends... Still tells him my things... and still do meet up... I will always treasure our friendship... always 比好朋友还要好的朋友！

Even though he still likes me... and we do care for each other a bit more than jus friends... decision is clear, and both of us happy bout it...

I really hope he is truely happy.... Not just me needs to be happy! silly boy boy... I want you to happy too! The special feelings we held just treasure it for whatever it is ba...

I am sorry, I love nun jun too much, i realised... and I have been so honest to you, sorry if i hurt you... but i have faith that you understand me de... and i believe you understand my feelings...

Thanks boy for being there... for being you... I love you...

Hope our promises to each other will be keep!

The Journey to Bliss

2007-10-19T05:23:00.000+08:00

" If you think you can, or if you think you can't... Either ways, you're Right!"

Life deals us an awful lot of wild cards. When things seems predictable, it is often surprising.

When you rather things be constant, it becomes different.

Change, is inevitable.

I realised, writing blog is a never ending process. Aned my story will never have a ending. Sad or happy, laugh or cry, its an everyday thing. I don't mind changes in my life... but is mine a little too fast, too unexpected? Ha....................................................

I am stronger.

Things haven't stop happening. I get upset, angry, disappointed... 很无奈... And some things just can't be change, maybe... So, Just be happy!

I want my life to be like before. Buddies, friends, family and work. Ya, and my dear dear. Everything that makes me happy. And I'm back to work! Seriously, I mean. No matter how hard, I will make it work out just nice, and better even.

I remembered... From really young till last year, I have been really lucky. Everything I do, will work out well in the end. Even when it seems way down, it always turns well in the end. Be it romance or work. I have had my heart break before, and I thought its the end. I will be sad for a long long time... Guess what? I recovered in less than a month. Ya, that's how it always happen... Everything happens for the good :) So, why am I different now? Always so pessimistic? That's not me!

I guess I lost my way for a little while out there. It's ok... I am back now. The PrincessRon all of you know!

Hope that despite my busy job and busy life, my true friends will always be there. Walk the route with me, all the way.

Last but not least... I wanna say... I... lost.... my.... thumbdrive!!! Hahahaha... What were you guys thinking? Haha:p

Sob... so pictures will have to wait...

Zzzz... tired now... after my MJ session at wen wei house again... Ciao!

I'm Back~

2007-10-09T16:05:00.000+08:00

Sorry guys~ I know it's been long since I update my blog, and left you guys with nothing much to read.

Well, I realise something... For someone people, in times of sadness will tends to blog more... When happy, forget 'bout blogging... Haha... and that's me maybe... I almost forget 'bout it.

But I'm back! Recently was good, was fun. Just came back from my diving trip with Michael. Will upload the pics next time! That trip was relaxing and it's the first time I went overseas with Michael. It's really much more enjoyable than the previous time I go diving... :)

Now I feel like I'm taking a trip down memory lane. Too long never blog and now recalling what has happen recently...

Last last week.... went to my colleague's wedding, as a 'sister'. I wore a Cheong Sum... haha... Looks like a total babe wor~ Haha~

Last wed, went Zouk! Miss that place! Fun Fun Fun! I dance till crazy... Very happy night... Love you guys... Apple, Sher, Jac&Stephen, WenWei, Jian Feng and Michael... And was so happy and surprise that Jianfeng came... He don't club at all de... Hehe... And he is been a total sweetie recently...

When I came back from Tioman on Sunday... Jian Feng, Apple and Rofino was there to meet me... And I think it was Jian Feng who contacted them... Sweet of you boy! Really happy to meet up with you guys that night...

'We' are closer n closer... Sh**... I am scared man... Feels like I'm not in control... might be feeling more than I want to... It feels like my inner fire is on flames duh....

He asked me why I refused to answer his call again just now... I don't know! Sh**! Not like he did something wrong... But I feel out of sorts...

Tonight going for a run... Whew~ Suddenly feel like meeting Apple instead...But I promise him le...Sigh~ like no time for some friends... Am I been too busy for them? SoRRy Guys!

p/s buddies... next week mid-night cycling kk? sorry everytime postpone for me....

Dear... need time alone with you! If not we going to be like miles away le.... Wed club kk?

为何心情总是起起落落?
为何总是一笑而过?
为何人总是那么脆弱?
难道是因为怕受伤害
而让一切错过?
~好无耐~

I am Strong

2007-09-26T03:55:00.000+08:00

I am strong,
my tears stubbornly refuse to fall.
I never cry,
those are just sadness releases from the eyes.

Lots of things happened...

I hope they are ok already...

Sometimes silent tears means so much more...

I went out after meeting with wen wei they all just now...

I met up with someone...

So scared now... Nothing big happened... but was quite big to me... So scared so sad...

Who can give me a hug and say everything is ok?

Sigh... Silly me... nobody will be always around... I should have known that by now...

I need to sleep... Don't think...

Mooncake festival

2007-09-25T19:03:00.000+08:00

话题
演唱:周蕙

面对面坐着的是不是你,
爱情还在不在进行.
想问你是不是想要放弃,
却害怕你也在问自己.
分手是我们唯一的话题,
却没有人愿意提起.
如果一开口变成了结局,
我的心就会离开身体活在过去.
爱不爱结果都叫人伤心,
我不知道该怎么做决定;
分手应该是要先哭泣,
还是先忘记.
你是否也有相同的难题,
你的勇气里有我的命运,
我不知道你会不会决定.
我想我现在还不够清醒,
该爱着你,该离开你,
还是继续--逃避

Today is Mooncake Festival.

Hanging out with Wen Wei, Apple and Sean. Sigh, it's Chinese Valentine Day too. But too bad, the ones I really want to spend it with are not here... Of cos' that does not mean I am not happy hanging out with my good friends... But still....

So many things keep happening in my life... Don't know how to write... Maybe I'm too confused to write. Confused 'bout my feelings right now.

Wish I can just get drunk and forget everything... But I can't.

Slept so many hours yesterday... But still feel like sleeping... What's wrong with me?

I miss ya... You know who you are...

Happy zong qiu jie to You...

Rainbow after the Rain

2007-09-19T15:11:00.000+08:00

Finally, you make me smile again~

We went through alot recently... and all the crap... the unpleasant things... I really thought that it's over... 毕竟, 我们只是比好朋友还要好一点的朋友。。。

That few days makes me realise the importance of friends all over again... Cos' I am really thankful that I have Apple and Wen Wei there... Though I never say much... but just the company, the laughters you all created is enough... And one very important person... Nun Jun... Always there for me... Never leave me alone that few days...

可是两个紧紧相依的心。。。要怎么说放弃？

Our Story~

We were both so tired... so hurt... Never imagine he will read my blog... I thought he will be busy with his sis's wedding...

When I saw his sms from Malaysia... I don't know what to say. A part of me thinks that maybe letting you think that I already don't care will be better for you...

But when you sms me again at night... that sms... I just can't ignore. Maybe some people will say I silly... After so many things, how can those words settle everything? But I don't believe that those words are just saying only... I sensed your sadness and I choose to believe in what you say...

Thats why I replied. Ya, told you my feelings... But at that point it seems that there is no solutions... Both of us wanted to see each other but we just don't know what to do.

Maybe everything will end there and then. I thought so. And the Sammi Cheng concert will be our last day.

When we saw each other, we are like so strange. Silence and distant.

Then I went Esplanade alone, you didn't know.

You sms me say wanna send me home. I don't know if I want anot... Is seeing you or not seeing you better? Through the messages... you told me you don't wanna give up. I was touched. Even until that point, you care.

I was intending to wait alone. I didn't want you to send me home cos' I wanted to wait till you off work... Haha... silly right? But I have never done anything for you... so maybe just this once let me be the silly one... I can wait till morning, if that means we will have more time to talk...

But I am so Lucky! Apple came down to find me... And we had such a good time talking... Talked till I don't even know the time...

And then you came to find us. Suddenly we were joking like last time. I guess you were trying your best too...

So, all the way till morning... sent Apple home... And then it's our alone time. Talked about many things...

I feel like the huge wall between us have been demolished. You know how I feel, and I hope you will do your best... Things will be different!! Haha... We both must be happy from now...

Many things are going to change... My job... your job... I hope you remember your promises... and change some things...

Apple girl... Thanks! A simple word, but I think you get what I mean.

Boy, miss you always~

Feelings I choose to Ignore

2007-09-16T09:14:00.000+08:00

Just finish another night of majiong game with Wen Wei, Apple and my dear... Tired... but thinking of alot of things...

Sometimes I wonder, I am strong... or am I really strong? Is everything sometimes just a facade for people to see? Ha... I dunno...

Still thought of him... And I figure since if he really forget about me then he won't come and read my blog anymore... So it's rather safe I write it here...

Wanna ask you... If you still think of me?

Wanna ask you... Are you thinking of me these few days?

Wanna ask you... Are you happy now?

Were you happy that night at Graxs?

Will you forget me?

是因为太了解而分开吗？

很想说很想你。。。但我不想让你难受。。。这是不是你的选泽？

我没话好说。。。只是还想你。。。谢谢你给过的一切。。。

Boy... whereever you are... Take care...

Is it fate?

2007-09-14T18:01:00.000+08:00

What is fate?

Is fate something which humans used as a excuse? or is it really something that has such great power to even controls one's life?

I don't know if I believe in Fate.

I believe that Fate makes 2 person meet...

But what happens after that can't be all fate right? What make 2 persons become good friends, share their lives... can't be all just fate right? It's what the 2 person do... Then when things go wrong... don't tell me it's fate again? That seems so accusive... Fate did not set out to break people's heart or to spoil 2 person's friendship... Everything goes wrong because of what the 2 person did... and everyone has a choice to do what they do... Why is it that people can't remember how they used to care and be so nice to the other person? They choose to do actions that hurt the other person, then when things reach the stage that nobody knows how to solve, Fate become the excuse... I wish I can totally push all the blame to Fate, but I can't... I just can't...

Happy or not is a choice

Care or not is a choice

Give in or not is a choice

Important or not is a choice

To change or not is a choice

To love or not is a choice

So I don't understand, if u really love someone, is there really anything u can't do for them? Everything is a choice. If you really love enough, you will choose to give the best to the person, change for the best, and most importantly choose to make the person happy. It's a choice!

Alot of things happen... sometimes I wake up feeling so so so lost. I go out, I play till late at night, I laugh, I be merry... But is it all real? Sometimes alot of things I feel frustrated, helpless, angry and scared... I want to have someone there always... But I know its impossible... I know I'm not the only one feeling this way... But especially recently, I am so down... that I feel not as strong as the Sharon I know...

I know I need to take care of my own happiness, things that make me unhappy I should throw it away... forget about it... I don't even know if the other person cares enough... I treat him as a really close n good friend... And I miss the days when someone else hurt me and he was always there to console and making me feel better... I miss that kind of understanding and happiness we had...

We just quarrel over the phone again... Big fight... which I sensed he will really give up this time... which I sense he will not care anymore... Fine. If that is what it is for him, then I will be hard hearted too... I can't tolerate anyone who hangs up on me... and I gave him a chance to say sorry but he refused... I am so angry... don't blame me for being like that now!

Before that we already told each other maybe this weekend is a good time for us to cool down and hope after that we will solve all our problems recently... but now... Ha... I think there is no more need to le... Since both of us choose this route..

Sigh... maybe he is just like the rest... maybe when I think he will be different I am wrong... Maybe now he will be unlike what he promise last time... Ha... what to do? After being hurt so many times... I don't have much faith in men... Unless it's Nun jun...

Ya... only my Nun Jun dear dear... Almost 3 years... He has go through so much with me, and never give up... We had bad times before... but I also don't know how... we just managed to solved them and everything become even better... THANKS dear....

I know I am lucky... He really dotes on me and gives in to me alot... Maybe cos' a period of time we really drift apart... and they came along... But I credit myself for never thinking of giving up dear for any other guys... If anyone will believe me, I really hope to marry him one day... Haha :p

Sigh... I got to be strong! If it's yet another case of... you all know.... Then I got to get over it... Sigh... Gotta go out again le... Meeting wen wei....

Lay on You

2007-09-10T17:27:00.000+08:00

Later tonight should be busy and late night. Thinking of meeting up with friends after my dinner with my colleagues. It's for my manager's birthday. Glad that I'm invited... But feels stressed. Cos' I have not really been working recently, don't know how to face them. Wish that later I can go meet Wen Wei and hopefully Jian Feng. At least take my mind off things I don't wanna think.

Haha, sometimes they are like my 避难所。

This week I think at least I will have my dear dear to accompany me. He got alot of days don't need go camp. Really miss him.

Just now talked to Xu Yong in msn. He saw me online and came to talk. Honestly I'm glad to talk to him. Like talking to a long lost friend. But sometimes I have to be careful, there is afterall, a line I can't step over. We talked about casual stuff... then he talk bout the past. Ask me if I sometimes think of it...

What you want me to say? We gave it all up, you are married, and I've got a loving boyfriend.

Sometimes memories never leave, I believe. But one can choose what to do with the memory. Just a bitter sweet memory, a story.

During the conversation, I don't know why I told him so straight forwardly that I wish his marriage will be a very happy one. Ha... I think I must have sound really silly. I keep telling him the future he must be happy. Haha... I really sound silly...

Will I miss JF alot from today? I wish not. I know he is going to working and working and working... I don't know why it makes me feel angry... Haha... Somehow I don't like it.

让你掏醉在我的眼神，看着我，走进我的世界。

我的喜怒哀乐，

我的眼泪微笑，

都是你的责任，

让你从现在起把我当成一切，疼爱我，永远实现我的心愿。

Visions of Mine

2007-09-10T15:59:00.000+08:00

~Enmeshed in the fake world of reality~

Awaken from a bad dream.

Last couple of days clear my mind a little.

绕了一圈, 我们还是做回好朋友。

好多天的不愉快，我的固执，要他放弃。那天在Wen Wei 家打完麻漿后，他还在楼下。之前我们吵了又吵，我真的很累。上他的车原本是想回家休息的，到最后却去了东海岸。

结果他让我答应原谅他，我们的确变的和以前一样有说有笑。我只希望他会做到他说的，希望真的会开心。

What is reality?

Everyone's reality exist in their own mind. What I see as truth may not be what you see.

Only can follow and believe one's own reality.

My reality now is my relationship with Nun Jun is great, my friendship(or whatever u call it) with Jian Feng is ok le, the big problem now I have is my career. Full of uncertainty.

What do I do to be really happy without depending on anyone?

最大的寂寞是当发现，连想也不敢想自己心中的他！

The past only exist in the Past

2007-09-06T08:21:00.000+08:00

Couldn't care less!

I just wanna be happy, enjoy myself.

Don't wanna bother about him(JF) anymore! To him, he put in alot. I also know. BUT, I feel I already tolerate way too much. Sorry, but I am frustrated. Very frustrated.

"Let the past be the past. From now on I'm myself!"

Sigh... To those who are reading this... Maybe many things I didn't explain and so its confusing. Put it simply, I'm talking about Jian Feng. Ya, many knows he likes me, but nt many know the story between us. Well, I shall not go into details here. Anyway, appreciated the good, but many things happen and I think its getting too tiring for both of us. Tats all...

Just came back from playing majiong game at Weiling house... Never expect her husband to be Xu Yong... Again, not convenient to say here, but its a shock... Like something from the past coincides with my present. The world is small.

Sometimes I feel bad... Got a feeling Weiling takes me as a friend, and somehow a listening ear. She told me lots of stuff about her and Xu Yong. Sometimes I really don't want know so much... yet I do wish that they can have a happy marriage. I just wanna be a friend to her too. And I wish he find his Happiness too.

Sigh... lots of feelings recently. I know some friends really care... Don't worry, I'm fine. Struggling, but trying. Just like yesterday I got Rofino's sms asking me if I'm fine. Well, really thanks for the concern :)

Tired le... gotta rest...

LOVE MAJIONG~ Hehe~

Put down thy Masque

2007-09-04T17:17:00.000+08:00

I AM DOWN.

Seriouosly never been this down. Scared myself, the flooding emotions I can't control.

蹦溃的感觉是不是就像这样？

Feel like sleeping every min, escape from everything. Lost, I don't know what to do with all my troubles... Don't want friends or family to know and worry. But I really need a place to express! My life is crashing!

我要快了不想长大如果有一天我可以解脱回到过去重来遗失的美好。

~黑暗之魔~

沉醉在黑暗中

觉的累，觉的慌

徘徊在人群中

好彷徨，好孤单

过去常在脑海里旋转

成经的简单幸福

是现在的痛苦与悲伤

好想逃离这一切

又有谁能了解我的内心世界？

“ 每一张笑脸背后都有一张哭泣的脸，

每一个大声说话的人背后都有难言的心声。”

Happy Anniversary!

2007-09-03T07:44:00.000+08:00

Together ever since then, 3rd Jan 2005.

Our anniversary! Exactly 2yrs and 8mths already!

Look, both of us look so different! Much cuter last time...

Haha... But now more ladylike and more Man for him!

Time flies~ I'm so happy that our relationship lasts so long. I know if it continues, most properly he will be my future half. In so many ways, he is great. Totally nice. Unselfish, easy going, nice temper, dotes on me, humorous, sporty, adventurous, fun loving and generous. But, I'm worried. Do I really want to be so fixed to a guy right now? Will he be able to fulfill the material needs of mine in future. I know the kind of life I'm going after, and I don't want to short change myself. I am willing to comprise but the difference of my ideal and what I get can't be so big right?

Must have faith! Ya, I must believe in him. I am going to keep thinking this way. Because we are young, and he is a crazily smart guy! :p

是你让我相信爱情是无私，好无压力的。。。

不管发生任何事你总是让我开心让我笑, 谢谢!

Crazy Birthday

2007-09-02T18:47:00.000+08:00

Forgot to upload these photos... 20th Aug, my birthday!

Behold and Unfold

2007-09-02T18:43:00.000+08:00

~TIRING~

Actual Date: 01/09/07 4.30AM

Just came from from movies at cineleisure, with Wen Wei, Roy, his female friend, Nun Jun(dear dear :p)... and Jian Feng... We watched 1408, supposed to be horror but as usual.... we laughed our heads off... HAHA...

我们又没结束了... HAHA... 说了也奇怪, 从来没开始,又怎么结束?

He salvaged the situation once again. I was cooled down, and accepted his explaination n appolgy. Was it a right thing I wonder. But thanks boy, for always giving in. But disagreements gets tiring, and my tolerance is running out, I hope there won't even be a need for u to appolgise...

伤心的转弯是开心!我要快乐!

Today one happy thing happened. I get to see my dear dear finally! Seeing him always calms me down despite whatever mood I'm in. Thanks for understanding everything. Although being with me has always been a complicated ride, but I'm sure you know that both me and him knows that YOU are the one.

我知道现在为最爱是你, 可是我不能不在乎其他关心我的人.

Love you love you love you dear dear...

I love my shopping spree just now! Shopping is my greatest joy!

Being in Sadness, Flood with tears

2007-08-31T14:07:00.000+08:00

Submitted my previous posts late, hence two submitted posts in a day...

Last night was a sad night for me. I make a decision which is as painful to me as it is to him.

两个完全不同的人，与其勉强，不如放弃。或许放手是我爱你最好得方式。

He always never give up, and that's also the reason why I always care. I know that he called Wen Wei last night... Wen Wei said he was crying and really determined to salvage the situation. But everyone knows, a typical Leo girl is damn stubborn! I had enough! And so, I did not give him any chance to talk last night.
Instead accompany Wen Wei to boat quay to look for Flora. Cos' Flora drank alot so WW wants to be there...

A slight envyness rush over me.

Will the two guys, who say they love me, be doing the same, if it's me?

突然好想你，有点不习惯你不在身边。

The world is beyond what you See.

2007-08-29T11:36:00.000+08:00

The first post.

I actually wanted to use deviladvocate.blogspot as my address... But too bad the add is taken. Why deviladvocate? Ha. Cos' I spoke for it. Not the devil who has underworld power... Nah. I'm talking 'bout the devil inside us. Humans' evil thoughts, never-ending desire. I acknowledge this monster, I like this monster.

心魔不断吞食人类的心，无尽的渴求，为的是满足空虚的心灵。

advocate.of.masquerade 说的是虚构和面具的代言。

My life, a Masquerade. Thou shall pretend no more.